"What we know right now is we're both putting in money to get this event and make this event successful and safe."-Luke Ravenstahl, while trying to make a case for the city of Pittsburgh, and not Allegheny County, to receive retribution for its efforts in funding security and accommodations for our special visitors.
Never mind that traditional outta-towners receive no such love. We have a tourist board for such visits, and while I'm opposed to people making a vacation spot out of my hometown, I like that I can mostly get away with not having to deal with the presence of most vacationers. The G20 has already fucked my week, in the form of excessive police force and arrests under the bridge in Bloomfield (where I would have been playing soccer on any other Sunday evening). It's morning and I still don't know if half of my friends are OK. Can you imagine guests being anymore imposing? (I have no sources but my own two eyes, so I apologize to the purists who may be reading. I didn't forget to link a news story.)
Never mind that Barack Obama invited some very high-maintenance dinner guests to the Phipps and the Warhol, without first asking me, the Mayor of Lawrenceville. Sure, neither of these G20 destination spots are in my neighborhood. Sure, I've never been to either of them myself. But Obama should know one thing: That tip on the table had better be adjusted for inflation. That's all I'm saying.
Oh, and Obama didn't ask me or any of my local friends if it would be OK to bring guests. With weapons.
I used to go to family reunions at my uncle's place in Lancaster, Pa. My family would always stay with my dad's brother on the more vacation-type excursions, but come Reunion Time, there was never enough room for all the visiting family in his house, so we would have to get a hotel. But our G20 guests are all staying in hotels, even though this is not a family reunion of any sort. Why aren't they just staying with local family? It's a global community, and the G20 is here to discuss its global economy. Surely these visitors have address books full of cousins and acquaintances across the globe: Are they ignoring their U.S. brethren?
"Oh, hey, Pittsburgh Charlie. Yeah, mom's doing fine. What? No! Coming to Pittsburgh? Where did you hear that?"
Does this mean that our visitors expected special treatment for their otherwise mundane vacation to a dying little city from the start?
I'd really like to go back in time and find some way to posess Luke Ravenstahl's body and react totally differently at the onset of G20 Fever (which would make amazing knuckle tattoos).
From an imaginary press release dated May 29, 2009, just after the announcement of the G20 Summit in Pittsburgh.
And Luke Ravenstahl said: On behalf of Pittsburgh and the entire Steeler Nation, I am thoroughly disturbed and embarrassed, saddened even, that Barack Obama has invited the world's economic leaders to our city. Just because he invited our Championship Football team to the White House does not mean that he can treat our town like a long-weekend vegan potluck with a Facebook event invitation that says, "Hey, if you're bringing guests, bring extra weaponry and body armor with which to protect them. Shit, I meant food--bring an extra dish!"
Most economic summits require massive amounts of spending, and loss of spending at local businesses, that is not even included in the city, county, state or national budget provided for such events. Our flailing city is already in debt, and spending more money to protect and chauffeur a small group of self-important vacationers in town on History's Longest Recorded Spending Spree (full of refinancing, speculation, enhanced deregulation, sub-prime mortgages, predatory lending, collapse, bailout and beyond) would just not be a responsible thing for a Hot, Young mayor to do.
And I hear these motherfuckers aren't even interested in donating money to save our underfunded libraries.
So, these weekend guests aren't willing to make frivolous (or not so frivolous) vacation purchases to help our local economy. They're not willing to bring a casserole or baked good to dinner. And they're certainly not willing to apologize for being responsible for the Steel Collapse 30 years ago that left us with nothing but Row Houses and Alleys Full of Heroin Needles and flea excrement.
Some fancy white folks have taken it upon themselves to apologize for slavery.
If confused contemporaries can find it in their hearts to offer an apology for something that, as far as we know (wink, wink!), hasn't been a profitable, productive way for the ruling class to impose its wants and needs on lesser humans, then why can't the World's Richest, Most Powerful Folks apologize for making Pittsburgh Poor, Empty and Unemployed?
I'm sorry, G20, but you're going to have to get yourself a tour guide, a compass and a BikePgh City Street map just like the rest of our visitors. We're not protecting you, and you can get around town just like our only respectable citizens, and that's by bike.
Like always, I'm Luke Ravenstahl, and you can motherfucking quote me.
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